By Brenda Gurung, a volunteer with the Alzheimer’s Association, and a Partner Account Manager with A Place for Mom.
Here are four techniques to connect with loved ones on a journey with dementia:
1. Be Present
Julia walked into the living room, smiled, squatted beside an elder’s wheelchair, and held her hand. They gazed into each other’s eyes for a full minute or two: content, kind, patient.
We need not always fill the voids with words. We can sit quietly, utilizing nonverbal communication such as a smile or holding hands. Patience and presence is key.
2. Act as a Mirror
Ms. P began to puff out each cheek, and when Marigrace puffed her own cheek in response, Ms. P’s eyes lit up. They exchanged a series of puffed cheeks, raised eyebrows and scrunched noses. Then Ms. P shared several powerful insights, including, “As long as we have this [she puffs out her cheeks again] and smile, I think we have good mental health.”
Communication may come in the form of action, including mirroring (not mimicking) the motions of an elder who rarely utilizes verbal speech.
3. Experience Music
Molly said, “I know you like music, so I thought we could listen to some of your favorite songs.” They spent the next half hour together, listening to songs, smiling, tapping and singing.
We have long known that music and rhythmic speech, like canonical prayers, are stored in portions of the brain that often remain vibrant late into various dementias.
4. Go with the Flow
Individuals with dementia often have a fluidity to their stories and commentary – linking seemingly disparate stories and time periods into the one moment of now. If we’re not so tied to what is “present” and “real” and accept the flow, we can strengthen our emotional connection to our loved ones.
Photo credit: Claire Hamilton