November is Alzheimer’s Awareness Month. My husband was diagnosed with dementia at age 74. I went into dementia caregiving unprepared. Therefore, I offer a few lessons I learned to help other unprepared caregivers.
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- Hug often and say “I love you.”
- Avoid arguments. Step back, leave, agree, or distract.
- Let someone else be the bad guy. Bob failed a required driving test, so the DMV revoked his license. Not me.
- White lies (Therapeutic Deception) are okay. When he asked about his mother, I said she was too far away to visit. He didn’t grieve a second time.
- Monitor your voice. A cheerful voice results in a positive response.
- Keep a smile on your face even when your heart is breaking.
- Ignore most people’s advice. They mean well. But, unless they have walked in your shoes, don’t let them tell you what to do. Just say, “Thank you,” and move on.
- Avoid the word “remember.” Don’t ask him to do something he can’t. Relate an incident or look at photo albums.
- If you don’t understand his conversation, pick one word you do understand, and create a sentence with that word. It’s a nonsensical conversation called Ping Ponging.
- Accept help from friends. Make a ‘to do’ list and let them choose from it. Hire outside help or enroll him in an adult day program. Take advantage of free services like Volunteers of America.
Linda Osmundson
- Take over the finances before a disaster occurs. Join a support group and, most important, take care of yourself.
I learned from reading, research, my support group, and my experience. May what I learned help you.
~ Linda Osmundson, an award winning author of children’s picture books for ages 7-107, has published hundreds of articles in magazines, newspapers, and anthologies. www.LindaOsmundson.com